Thursday, March 06, 2008

Don't do it for the cash. Do it for Conan.

Bzzzzzt! Time's up!

Stay tuned for the exciting results! (I hope you'll be patient -- I must wait for the tears of glee to clear a bit so I can re-read your entries perform the ridiculous task of choosing the funniest.)

And Sophie thought HER choice was hard.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

It's that time of year again, dearies -- time to dust off your silly and get Irish in my second annual St. Patrick's Day Limerick Contest! I can hear you all woohooing from here.

I'm upping the stakes, though. No stuffy old books of nonsense verse as grand prize like last year. No, this time around I'm rolling out the cold hard cash. Twenty dollars (plus a copy of the best Irish rock album ever*) to the limerick that makes me laugh the hardest. That's enough green to buy you eleventh class passage to America and a pint on the way over.

The rules are the same as last year with one difference: I don't want to be suspected of choosing based on anything but sheer artistry, so all entries that want to be considered for the prize MUST BE SUBMITTED ANONYMOUSLY. If you accidentally post your entry with any recognizable identity I'll have to disqualify it, so double check before you click "publish" and be sure you've got the "Anonymous" button selected below the comment field. After the winner's chosen I'll repost all the entries, give each one a number, and ask everyone to tell which number limerick was theirs so you can all get credit for your wit.

Here are the rest of the rules, same as last year:

--Contest ends Sunday, March 16, the day before St. Patrick's Day. (But any entry posted by the time I turn on my computer on the 17th will be in the running.)
--Your limerick can be a bit naughty, but not too naughty. Use your own judgment in defining that line.**
--Finding clever rhymes for difficult words will win you extra points.
--Enter as many limericks as you want.
--No matter how funny, a limerick will probably not win if it doesn't follow the traditional limerick meter and rhyme pretty closely. Can't remember what that is? Click here for a refresher course.

I can't wait! I know you will make all my goofiest dreams come true!

Tell your friends!
Tell your drinking buddies!
Tell that scheming bird who up and married Tommy O'Rourke while you were off at sea!

* If you already have this album, I'll substitute some other fabulous Irish-esque giftie of comparable value.
** I reserve the right to take down any limerick that I think crosses the line. Keep in mind that my mother reads this blog -- she's got a good sense of humor, but she's still my mother, so if you do naughty, make it a nice naughty.


i i eee said...

Just want to say, I like your new avatar pic!

I may or may not be anonymously competing in the contest. Whahahahhaha!

Anonymous said...

There was a young man called Obama
Who’s created a whole lot of drama
He’s made Hillary mad
But the media glad
And we all think he has real good karma

Anonymous said...

There was a cute single girl (Maisie)
Who kept her breath fresh as a daisy
It made her quite harried
She said “if I married”
I’d eat garlic all day and be lazy

wynne said...

Whee! Here we go again!

Anonymous said...

There once was a young man from Tatooine.
When he got older he married the Queen.
Not too much later,
He became Darth Vadar,
Now everyone thinks that he's mean!

Anonymous said...

There once was a lass called Marie
Who on her blog set up a spree
She offered a prize
For the best pack of lies
Bound up in the form that you see!

Anonymous said...

There once was a man named Gerard.
Who Marie thought was the bard.
He wrote in rhythm sprung,
While using the Welsh tongue,
Now he rests in an Irish yard.

Anonymous said...

In truth it is quite reprehensible
That an "ingredient" should be so indispensable
When making some "Irish Stew"
There is only one thing to do
Mix in some wedding vegatables

Anonymous said...

Get this freaking baby out
Is what I always want to shout
He's been in there too long
His kicks are very strong
I'd rather have the gout

Anonymous said...

I still live in mother's home
Nowhere to stretch my legs and roam
No friends can I meet
My head's below my feet
Mayhap I'll be born at gloam

Anonymous said...

I apologize in advance to Marie's mother.

There once was a vet named Tom
who hadn't had a good poop since 'Nam.
So he sucked on some prunes
til he felt something brewin'
And he shat an atomic bomb.

Anonymous said...

There once was a lovely librarian
Who fell in love with an au pair, Ian.
She ran off with the manny
And his fantastic fanny
Til she left him for a hot veterinarian.

Anonymous said...

there once was a lass liked a lad
who was truly a terrible cad
she chased him quite gladly
and captured him, sadly
and now he's a husband - and mad!

Anonymous said...

there once was a lass liked a lad
who was truly a terrible cad
she chased him quite gladly
and captured him, sadly
and now he's a husband - and dad!
(this was just better)