Friday, March 02, 2007

There once was a battle o' limericks...

I am not Irish, but like every good American, I wish I were. I want it all -- the red hair, the pipes and fiddles, the little green men, the famine and despair and civil war.... okay, not everything. But definitely the playful, lilting language.

So I hereby kick off the first annual St. Patrick's Day Limerick Contest. The entry that makes me laugh the hardest will win a copy of the complete limericks and nonsense poems of the King of Limericks, Edward Lear. You don't think you want it, I know. But I promise you -- you do!


--Contest ends Friday, March 16 at 5:00 pm, Pacific time (the day before St. Patrick's Day).
--Your limerick can be a bit naughty, but not too naughty. Use your own judgment in defining that line.
--Finding clever rhymes for difficult words will win you extra points.
--Enter as many limericks as you want.
--Feel free to enter as "Anonymous." However, if an anonymous participant wins and more than one of you claims to be that person, we'll have to do the old King Solomon cutting-the-prize-in-half trick.
--No matter how funny, a limerick will probably not win if it doesn't follow the traditional limerick meter and rhyme pretty closely. Can't remember what that is? Click here for a refresher course.

For example, here's one I wrote to cheer a friend who was going crazy at his job:

There once was a swell guy named Stephen
Whose toils did cause him much grievin'
He cursed at the sky
And hollered "Why I?"
Then promptly took up basketweavin'.

So knock back a pint and let rip a limerick for old Eire. And if not for old Eire, do it for lil' ol' me. I love to laugh, and so does my inner leprechaun.


Anonymous said...

There once was a blogger from Sandy
Who thought writing lim'ricks was dandy
She stewed and she stewed
But it all came out lewd
And her friends ran off, yelling, "Too randy!"

Spoke said...

In Canada lives a blogger named Spoke,
who believes ol' George Bush is a joke.
And as he puts the whole world in such toil, to quench his thirst for big oil.
Ol' Spoke wishes Georgie would choke.

Patrushka said...

Here's one for Kiva:

How happy the Kiva donators
As they lend to the man selling taters!
Now he can expand -
With our helping hand
He can purchase a box of tomaters!

Anonymous said...

There once was a clothes horse named John
Who fancied himself a Don Juan
But his date wore a big frown
Then John chanced to glance down
And saw he’d forgot to put pants on.

Marie said...

Hee hee -- you guys are hilarious! I'm all grins! Keep 'em coming!

Anonymous said...

I made this up in the cab on the way home from work:

There once was a sailor named Louise,
A buxom blonde who sailed the high seas,
An iceberg sunk the whole boat,
But she could easily float,
Her pair were better than buoys!

Sharon said...

There once were a martian named Marvin,
Who always was fixin' on carvin'
A Rabbit so sweet
And with humor, to beat,
But we all knows he'll be long a starvin'

Anonymous said...

There was a leprechaun named lee
Small and round and smart was he
Stepped on a clover
There came a mower
It’s over for leprechaun lee

Anonymous said...

There once was a banker named Boffin
Who tried to count all the quarters (other than Wisconsin)
But Steve Thatcher stole them
Him and his molemen

Anonymous said...

I once had a keg
When I broke my leg
I thought it was nice
When my teacher had lice
It was funny when he reported that he was going bald

greg said...

Reckless pirates

There once was a pirate named scar.
Who accidentally crashed his car.
He ran a red light,
Because his eye patch rendered his sight,
And later he realized that he had gone too far.

Anonymous said...

I’m slipping away I cant see
Take me away I can’t be free
I’m dying inside
I feel I have died
I’m dying inside cant you see

Marie said...

Clerihews sent to me by the students in my brother's class! (Not limericks, but just as goofy.)

There was this guy named Bessie.
Who reminded me of Jesse?
He was so tuff.
We called him Mr. Buff.

I had so much pride
That I went on a ride
That his name was Thatcher
And he was a fairy catcher

I once had a dog
It got lost in the fog
That it fell love
When it saw a dove

Our teacher Mr. Thatcher.
Is not a lady catcher?
He was so stupid.
That he never met cupid.

To Marie

Fire balls are red
Air heads are blue
Sugar is sweet
And so are you


dad said...

His neck hurts 'cause he lies upon it,


He couldn't seem to learn Su doku,


They wanted the Neon inspected
But the two busted tires were unexpected
And the mirror was broken....

Belladonna said...

I sent an e-mail to Patrushka to let her know you picked hers. She should be pleased. It may be a bit before she contacts you as she's on a major road trip just now.

So how about moving from limericks to puns? or spoonerisms? Or just plain elegant sentences?

(I recently finished reading Sula by Toni Morrison. The STORY did not hold me, but ah..some of those sentences were absolutely delicious.)