Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Make your own metaphor.

I don't understand long-stemmed roses. I mean, some might find long stems aesthetically superior to short stems (perhaps this is akin to preferring long legs to short legs?) Personally, I couldn't care less about the length of the stems. Personally, I think we've decided that we like long stems because they're more expensive to produce and more expensive = better. Personally, I think we've convinced ourselves that if a man spends more money on our roses, he must love us (read: our long legs) more than any woman (or any woman's legs) in the vicinity. And therefore we can trust him with our legs and the rest. Or something like.

But can't we all agree that the prettiest part of any flower is the flower part? And it is a simple law of nature that cut flowers survive longer if their water supply is closer. That is why all long-stemmed roses that come my way are immediately amputated.* This formerly-long-stemmed rose was a half-open bud when I got it twelve days ago. TWELVE DAYS. Look how pretty it is on its stubby little stem...



* If you are determined to convince me that you love me more than Paris lusted loved Helen, skip the long-stemmed roses and go for the short-stemmed chocolate.

13 comments:

April said...

Personally, I think roses are boring. I mean, sure, they're pretty. But every guy brings roses. Where's the originality?

Marie said...

Hybrid tea roses (pretty much all the cut roses you're going to find in a flower shop) are often boring. They've been bred for their shape and longevity and in the process the scent is usually intentionally bred out because it takes energy to produce a sweet smell, and this shortens the time the rose remains beautiful (again: potential metaphors are thick on the ground, here). So they look like the same rose dyed a bunch of different rather predictable colors. They are the Stepford Wives of rose-dom. Once I found a spray of delicious-smelling non-long-stemmed roses in a flower shop and thought I was dreaming.

There are so many other wonderful cut flowers (peonies, anyone?) but you're not going to find them at the grocery store at 7:00 pm on Valentine's Day. I think that's the reason for our rose-rut. :)

However, this little rose was left on the dashboard of my car by the mechanics who fixed it, so no complaints here. I did wonder, though -- what do you suppose they left on the dashboard of their male customers?

Carvel said...

I yearn, not for roses of any sort, but for peonies growing in my yard. Why? Because my grandmother Thatcher had peonies, and I loved seeing them outdoors and in vases.

The Flower Patch & other budget-priced florists often sell short-stemmed roses, I believe.

On the dashboards of cars brought in by males, it is customary to leave an out-of-date sports magazine, or perhaps a candy bar.

Hey, It's Ansley said...

A flower left on the dashboard might make me take my car in for service more quickly.

I like fun bouquets from a farmer's market but I also love when some of it starts to die and I cut the other flowers shorter and but them in a small vase for a "new" little bouquet.

And I love peonies! So pretty!

wynne said...

It's a beautiful rose they left you. I like it!

There was a time that I would've agreed with april--but that time would've been only AFTER I was sick of guys bringing me roses. I've never got enough of them to be sick of 'em, though (I had a knack of finding the 1 boy in 100 that thought the same as April and would bring me...oh, a shrubbery, a box of cereal, or a dead bird...)

But the best rose is the rose on the bush.

(Did you know I had to google peonies because I didn't know what they were?)

lenalou said...

I wouldn't say no to flowers OR of course chocolates, but I agree on the lack of personality of many modern roses. And I'm with you all on the peonies. We used to have lots in our garden growing up. Really pretty.

sharonsfriendjen said...

That is an excellent question? Why are long stemmed roses considered more prestigious than short stemmed roses? It must be in relation to the long legs. But without the rose itself, its just a stem, worthless and without beauty. Dripping with metaphor.

April said...

They probably left tickets to a Monster Truck rally. ha!

Anna Maria Junus said...

I love a nice classic red rose.

However I do think a lot of men don't know how to give gifts. They automatically think flowers, chocolates or jewelry, and although those things are nice, it's better to get a gift that actually means something and that's different for every woman.

However, a rose for taking your car in? That's awesome.

D'Arcy said...

oh my gosh!!! I got the a rose from the guys who fixed my car...hello! did you go to auto collision? It was the funniest thing ever, just left on my dashboard. I pictured the mechanic in Zoro garb, swinging and fencing to the rescue of my car....


however, this is a metaphor I appreciate, especially since I just ended the year teaching Cyrano de Bergerac!

And someone asked me my favorite flower yesterday, and I said peonies. I thought I was being original...so it's back to the swamp thistle!

D'Arcy said...

and hey, I am six feet tall, I got the long stems up the wazoooo, and it ain't that much better up here girls!


unless I am misinterpreting the metaphor....?

Marie said...

Dad -- Ha!

Ansley -- Silly as it is, I'll give them more than a second thought if I need more car repairs. I wonder if it works on women less flower-starved.

Wynne -- That sounds like a blog post waiting to happen...

Lena -- Didn't you say your mom had a flower shop? What's the best cut flower of all?

Jen -- I bet you could conjure some fantastically funny metaphors. Complete with fake statistics.

April -- Them I'm glad I'm a girl.

Anna -- I'm sure you're right. The thought counts for a lot, but it's nice to know you're known.

D'Arcy -- Never fear! You can have peonies! I love them, but if I had to choose a Favorite Flower I'd probably go with hydrangeas or poppies. But they aren't very good cut flowers like peonies.

Yes, it was a collision shop in SLC (Got rear-ended and the other driver's insurance was Geico! Consider this my Geico testimonial!

As for the metaphor, it's make your own!

The one I was mainly thinking of was "don't strangle core beauties in the cultivation of peripheral beauties," but there are a bazillion others, no doubt. Don't worry -- it wasn't a roundabout rant against girls with longer legs than my own :)

lenalou said...

Dunno about the best overall, but just try to buy somewhat in season. Valentine's day isn't really a good time to be buying roses. I just think anything good quality and maybe a little unusual (or heirloom, if you want smelly roses)is good, whether it's roses, gerberas, delphiniums, or daffodils. My mum could answer that better than I, though.