Tuesday, September 04, 2007

To Sharon, from Kitty.

Deer Tall Wun,

Wheer hav u gon? Things iz bad heer.

My humen iz be actin weerd sinse u leeved. Da first day she seam OK. She clean da house ann goed on erinds. But da neks day it gotted worse. Ann worser da neks day.

Sundee she mayed limeayd. Lotsa limeayd. She didna drinck it -- she just mayed moor ann moor. Den she tawked to me. She sed, "Kitty, Sherun lykes limeayd. If i mayk it, she will kum." But u didna kum, Tall Wun.

(An wut kinda kook taks too katz?)

Last nite she byed beeeeg eyes kreem ann eeted it all. Den she lyed on da flor ann sniffeled ann singed Jeengle Belz ovr ann ovr ann ovr.

Tonite she wach Deer Frankee ann eet mor eyes kreem. Kookeys, to. Now she sterring at da wall. Sumtimes she singz "oh bwoomhiwda, yor so wuvwee..." den she stop ann wayt, but no anser. Iz verey sad to wach, Tall Wun. U shood not hav leeved.

Alsoe, i gots a charlee hors in my cheak ann der iz no wun to muhsaj it foar me. My humen she not think katz haz cheaks, but she'z rong. U no bettir, donchu, Tall Wun?

Kum bak now, OK? If u don't kum bak, she go nutz, den stop feadin me, den i dye. I don't wanta dye, Tall Wun.

Lotsa wetnozed luv,

Princiss Bimberlee, da kat


sharonsfriendjen said...

That was the saddest story I have ever heard! I will come and eat ice-cream with you, but I will not massage kitty's cheeks, she will have to wait for the return of the "tall wun".

wynne said...

Awww...I almost feel sorry for the Nameless One. Almost. But then I know the truth about cats: they only look vulnerable and pathetic right before they pick you off from the herd and eat you. You know, just to get you to put your guard down. I know. I have one. I mean, I bet this cat is an excellent speller in real life, but she misspelled everything to up the pathetic score. Watch out, Sharon! She wants to EAT you!

citymama1 said...

Cats are the most manipulative of creatures, to be sure.

Very clever post, though.

I just finished a book called "Ella Minnow Pea". After reading your post, I think you might like it. :)

RC Cola! said...


Cum bak Tall Wun!

lenalou said...

Awwwww. I was getting all moved, and then remembered that Wynne is right. Cats are all panthers at heart.

ThomCarter said...

I'm so confused, did you lose a cat or something?

If so, then I am so sorry, if not - you need to work on spelling!

Anna Maria Junus said...

I af no idee wat u jes post. But it wz funee.

Marie said...

Jen -- How about ice cream and Annie?

Wynne -- So you think the tears are fake, too? You're heartless.

Citymama -- I shall now look up Ella Minnow Pea.

RC -- Thanks for grinning at Kitty's pain. Aw, poor Kitty.

Lena -- So what is your position on dogs? Dumb as they look, or scheming wolves?

Thom -- No, lost a friend. She was Kitty's friend, too.

Anna -- Well, it's all about the laughs, init? If your best friend's going to flee the state and abandon you to pickle in your own old maid juices, all you gots left is feline comic relief.

Anonymous said...

Oh dear, this is very sad, Princess Bimberley. I'm finally coming back to the computer world and it's enough to break your heart. Tell your owner to come and visit me (and she can bring you in her bag like Paris Hilton) and then maybe she can tear me away from my 400th straight episode of Murder, She Wrote or Pets 911 and turn my face towards the sunshine again.

lenalou said...

Dogs - what you see is what you get (except dobermans and pit bulls which sometimes pretend not to be pure evil). So, mostly as dumb as they look, but there are some (border collies) that remind me a little of computer geeks. Brilliant in their own way, but with a sort of innocence of the world and inability to function outside their own sphere (that sphere in this case being chasing sheep and providing emotional support to their humans through licking and sitting on them).

Marie said...

Sharon -- Angela Landsbury is good for what ails ya. She looks like my grandma, but she gets the bad guys, too! Don't turn away from her, unless it's to go stomp crunchy leaves or eat big steaming bowls of squash. I shall come visit you, though Princess is going to hold down the castle.

Lena -- So dogs' defining quality is an absence of guile? I confess that I can't trust a critter with no guile. It's unnatural. :) I do love the idea of a nerdy dog, though.