Saturday, September 01, 2007

Get 'em while they're ha-ha-hot.

Astronomically summer is still with us (and it's still plenty hot!) but there's something about seeing that "September 1" that makes me feel summer is over. Here are some assorted funny things I encountered this summer. I can't bear to let them slip by uncelebrated.

I refuse to believe this is an innocent omission of essential punctuation. Freudian slip for sure.

I felt it had been too many years since I visited the bizarre Daughters of the Utah Pioneers Museum, so I went for a visit. It did not disappoint -- a real freak show, especially when you factor in the stuffed two-headed lamb. Check out the hilarious label on this item. This is what happens when sweet little old ladies run a museum.

The Shakespearean Festival gift shop yielded some fun ones. Extra-terrestrial visitors would never guess that we actually revere Shakespeare based on this shrine to fairies, princesses, and Excalibur that bears his name. (Sorry in advance for the blurry photos.)

In the fairy sub-culture represented by Meadowbright, Fairy of the Sun, we have also Kimmy, the midriff-baring teen fairy, talking on her shell-phone. "And I was like, 'excuse me, but glitter wings are SO last season!'"

Put this bobblehead Shakespeare on your dashboard next to your bobblehead Francis Bacon and they can bobble-duel to the death.

I can't talk about this one -- it makes me want to cry. I should mention, before I fall apart, that this same company also makes a "Lil' Jane [Austen]," a "Lil' Edgar [Allan Poe]," and a "Lil' Charles [Dickens]." Weep, weep.

This Shakespeare action figure recalls that great Monty Python skit in which a hyperactive sportscaster does a play-by-play of Thomas Hardy writing a novel. The figure's holding a quill pen in one hand and a book in the other -- I guess it must be designed for very dull children who believe the pen is mightier than the nunchuk-wielding turtle. Now, what I'd like to see is a Hamlet action figure. Quality irony, that.

I haven't seen this one with my own eyes, but I have a mind to pilgrimage down to Provo just to visit it. It was sent to me by Sharon's brother Evan and is the Sadistic Syringe-wielding Nurse from a Provo College billboard. This sums up so much of what I feel about Provo culture.

This last one isn't a summer discovery, but rather a summer re-discovery -- Sharon stumbled on it the other day when cleaning out her apartment for her move. It's an old favorite of ours that she originally showed me a few years back and which I had hoped to include it as part of the engagement ring post -- but better late than never.

You need to click on the photo so you can read the text -- the ear-nibbling is just the beginning. It could only be funnier if it were serious. My favorite line is, "The father of the bride happily exchanged his hard-working daughter for one of the groom's championship goats."

What would the engagement ring of a one-goat wife look like, do you suppose?


sophie said...

It was meant to be funny, but man intended us to laugh with him, not at him.

The SCA-quality wedding did occur, probably with jousting. That and the goats would make ole Sigmund think.

This is soooooo Los Alamos.

Marie said...

Forgive me -- it must have been Sophie who originally showed it to me. Or Sophie showed Sharon and Sharon showed me. Either way, thanks for the laugh. Los Alamos, land of unabashed loonies. :)

Oh, and I realized that they weren't serious. As I said, it could only have been funnier if it were serious. However, I've seen a couple almost as ludicrous that WERE serious. Why, oh why, didn't save Katie Fenstermaker's engagement photo?? Cowboy-shirt-clad, lying on their sides in a pasture, with Girl's limbs draped over Boy's body. You get the feeling it was a candid shot by a voyeuristic little brother who was hoping to catch them cheating before the wedding.

lenalou said...

My fave is the very, very old moneybox. If only that was sufficient everywhere--it would save the chaps at the British Museum a lot of work.

Nice to see you today!

sophie said...

Sorry to be unclear--what I mean was that they were more serious than you or I give them credit for. And yes, I had to immediately cut the announcement out of the paper and send it to Utah. It made me feel like I was back in Provo again. Ahhhh, the joys of lost youth!

ThomCarter said...

Marie, you truly live the dream!!

Next time you go to the Shakespeare festival please give me a call so I can get those action figures. I am sure that the bobble-head will fit right in with all the baseball players that I have collected over the years.

Also, when I worked for the Diamondbacks they sent me to the Antelope Valley of California. These kind of people totally belong there. Yikes and Double Yikes

The End!

Tusk said...

"Money Bank- Very Very Old"

Bwahahahahahahahaha*deep breath*hahahahahaha!

I got the Freud Action figure, insted of the Shakey P one. We put blue tack on Freud's feet and attach him to walls, the ceiling, etc....moving him around at random every couple of days! :)

Anna Maria Junus said...

Loved the Shakespear action figure and the wedding announcement.

You live in a wierd place Marie. :-)

AzĂșcar said...

What! Gasp! Surely, that was not a dig at Provo. Surely, you're basing your aspersions on a bunch of yahoos that came not FROM Provo but TO Provo; there is a marked difference, I assure you.

wynne said...

A SHELL phone? Oh dear. A low blow for fairies, indeed. (But do not understand why it was in a Shakespeare shop at all.)

And that marriage announcement was the greatest thing I've seen in awhile. Ah, handfasting ceremonies and goats.

Did you know that I grew up in the Antelope Valley? My favorite thing about it is that there are no antelope. Plenty of tumbleweeds and dirt, the occasional joshua tree, but no antelope.

RC Cola! said...

Yay for the Daughters of Pioneers museum! I think I might just join the organization, because I want to label things to be very, very old.

Tristi Pinkston said...

I have the Jane Austen action figure. She comes with a writing desk and a feather pen. She's wicked cool. I mean that.

Marie said...

Lena -- good to see you, too!

Sophie -- they're serious? So they really do love Celtic rituals and jousting, and they make fun of it so we won't think they're nuts?

Thom -- you can duke it out with Wynne. I'm staying out of this one.

Tusk -- Siggie is just such a cute little white-bearded fellow, I can see how he'd make an entertaining bobblehead.

Anna -- you don't know the half of it! :)

Azucar -- I should have made that distinction. Underneath all the airheaded husband-hunting imports, Provo is a very respectable little college town, and several of my most respected friends and profs were either Provo natives or permanent residents. I apologize for throwing the very intelligent baby out with the bathwater. :)

Wynne -- Yes, I knew you were from that part of CA, and I'm sorry that disparaging comments have been made here about your native land. That's a shame about the absence of antelope. They claim there are antelope on Antelope Island in the middle of the Great Salt Lake, but I only saw buffalo when I was there. And charts detailing the life cycle of the noble brine shrimp.

RC -- I have an inexplicable fondness for the place, in spite of (because of?) its oddities. Maybe we'll end up on the Board together when we're old and gray. I'll be sure you get to do the labeling.

Tristi -- Well, if she comes with ACCESSORIES, that's a whole different story. I thought Barbies were dumb, but I LOVED their little accessories.