Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Gadabout 3: Fun with Wet Cement.

Remember: the game of Balderdash is still very much on and you must keep playing with me, or I will cry. To get to it easily, click on the rainbow-colored Balderdash link in the sidebar. Oooh -- pretty rainbow -- you know you wanna click on it!

My neighborhood is such a wealth of weird -- I've got more photos.

Moral of the story: be sure you're not drunk or functionally illiterate before you start writing things in wet cement.

On a first glance I thought a baby dinosaur had escaped from a dinosaur egg. On second glance I realized that a baby dinosaur had escaped from a dried-out gourd. Either way, baby dinosaur on the loose! Lock up your little yappy dogs!

On second thought....don't.

My dearsweet grandmother would always put random words in quotes. As in:

Happy Birthday! "We love you" dear Marie.

I come from a cynical generation and rather than lending the sincerity and emphasis that she intended, these gratuitous quotation marks always looked vaguely sarcastic to me, as if Grandma were doing air quotes when she said she loved me. By the same token, this address plaque seemed a little nudge-nudge wink-wink: "Now, dear visitor, what do you suppose 'F' could stand for? Hmmmm?"

Flag-flying yard artists have a flag for every season of the year. Apparently spring is now represented by flowers and BBQ. But mainly BBQ.

This cat didn't move a muscle all the time I was shooting pictures of it. I think it was paralyzed with embarrassment, poor miserable critter. Or mourning the loss of its gonads. Or could this be a new low in bad yard art?

My sweet poochie friend with the spiked collar. If you'd met him, you'd realize how hilarious the spiked collar is. Picture the Easter Bunny with a mohawk and you've got the idea.

Strange...the Jolly Roger and the Union Jack, side by side. Patriotic British pirates? THE PIRATES OF PENZANCE ARE LIVING IN NUMBER 318??

Sweet little tulips, sweet little yard, sweet little decorative fence that barely comes up to hip level, massive snarling Rottweilers running in the yard. Can anyone say "lawsuit"?

Someone loves me! (Oh, wait -- this is dated March 1985, when I was nine years old. My admirer was a pedophile. Rats.)

Three charmingly cryptic headstones were standing side by side in this yard. I especially liked this one. Forget the "beloved sister, daughter, blah blah." If I'm spending thousands on a block of granite, I want people to pay attention.

Perhaps, "Step not upon my head, dear friend, or you will meet a gruesome end."

What do you want on YOUR tombstone?

To be continued....


wynne said...

Oh, heavens! There were some really good ones on there today! I really, really liked the "f*** yuo" one, don't know why. Wow.

Thanks for the laugh! (Really. I actually laughed very loudly several times while reading this.)

wynne said...

I told you so, Jeff!
No one would go to the prom with me
It was worth it
Okay. Not really that funny, but oh well.

Belladonna said...

Marie -

I miss reading your blog. I love your words, but my middle aged eyes just can't handle the white letters on black. It makes me squint and gives me a head ache if I look at it for very long, so I haven't been by so much lately. Guess I'll have to leave your scathing wit to you young uns with better eyesight.

Marie said...

Wynne -- I love the prom one. Nothing like sending your unrequited love a guilt trip from the grave!

Belladonna -- I've been meaning to fiddle with my template. I confess that I like the white-on-black, but if I find something less oppressive to your eyes hopefully I can lure you back. Seeing Wynne's personalized template has put me in a competitive mood...

wynne said...

Oooo...it's so ON, Marie!

(By the way--um, I really liked the Spice Girl lyrics.)

Natalie said...

I have been so remiss about reading and commenting on your blog, forgive me?

Those shots were awesome, the F street I about died laughing, that and the British Pirates.

Marie said...

I'll only forgive you if you'll forgive me for not contributing anything to your NaNo site for a few weeks (though you've got lots of contributors, so I'm sure you're not crying yourself to sleep that I disappeared :). I tried to write a bit for the daily prompt the other day ("busted") but it got so longwinded and uninspired toward the end and my pride wouldn't allow me to post it. I just couldn't get the punchline to work right. I'll try again soon -- it's fun exercise once I get myself on the wagon :)

Marie said...

I saw that gratuitous quotes phenom again today on a funeral program, in a sentiment directed toward the family and friends who attended the funeral:

'You are the perfect example of "love."'

Not real love. Processed love, 13% by weight; chopped, pressed, cooked.

Rachel C. said...

Marie -I just stumbled upon your blog today, and you seriously crack me up. I "love" the gratuitous quotes phenom.

Marie said...

Welcome, Rachel C! I am always flattered and baffled whenever someone voluntarily spends precious lifetime reading my blog. Most of the people here are previous friends who read out of kindness to my feelings -- I will try to be as un-dull as possible so this won't be your last visit....

Hey, It's Ansley said...

Marie, this is hilarious. I have to admit as someone who lies on 1st ave between F and G, I always say it that way, "Between F and G" because it sounds kinda naughty.