Thanksgiving dinners with complimentary stomach pumping service. Ugh.
Repentance, from gluttony and other failings.
Text recognition software + old newspapers.
Full beards: finally winning the holy war against goatees.*
The grand feeling of newly-waxed arms. (Don't ask.)
Good, good family. God will surely ask me why I failed to singlehandedly eradicate war and hunger, given my great advantages of birth. I love you, my genetically-similar dearies (and married-into-the-clan dearies).
A long procession of kind and funny and brilliant girlfriends from gradeschool to the present. Not one catty drama addict in the lot. I love you, genetically-dissimilar ladies.
Genetically-dissimilar menfolk, here and there. (Hoping will have more to say on this by next Thanksgiving.)
Bizarre immunity to insomnia. More of a superpower, really: Super Snoozer at your service. I make your problems disappear by teaching you to sleep through them!
Healthy enough to donate blood, but never yet needed any (knock on wood).**
David Brooks, the only newsman I would trust to tell me how to vote. I would also trust him with my infant and the keys to my yacht, if I had either an infant or a yacht.
Triumph, for brilliantly taking on my primary pet peeve, pun intended.
The last person I met at the Halloween party, who was also the first person who understood my costume. Thanks, dude. ***
Googling my friends and finding stuff like this. Yes, I've probably Googled you, too.
Lovely night, and mystic fields with stars bedight.****
* Goatees are the mullets of facial hair, my friends. I'm not saying that a goatee makes you a bad person, but I am saying that you must shave it off for the good of humanity.
** Bloodbanks get desperate during the holidays -- needs go up and donations go way down. Particularly platelet donations, which are only good for five days. So think about it, if you're less than busy this weekend...
*** "Well of COURSE I know what a Jabberwock is! Slithy toves and mome raths and all that. Do you take me for a complete Philistine?"
**** My favorite line from a Thanksgiving song I learned years ago.