Thursday, November 26, 2009

Thanknesses III: return of a lame title.

All previous blessedness, plus:

Thanksgiving dinners with complimentary stomach pumping service. Ugh.

Repentance, from gluttony and other failings.

Text recognition software + old newspapers.

Temples, temples everywhere! Coming soon to Rome, and a city near you!

Full beards: finally winning the holy war against goatees.*

The grand feeling of newly-waxed arms. (Don't ask.)

Good, good family. God will surely ask me why I failed to singlehandedly eradicate war and hunger, given my great advantages of birth. I love you, my genetically-similar dearies (and married-into-the-clan dearies).

A long procession of kind and funny and brilliant girlfriends from gradeschool to the present. Not one catty drama addict in the lot. I love you, genetically-dissimilar ladies.

Genetically-dissimilar menfolk, here and there. (Hoping will have more to say on this by next Thanksgiving.)

Bizarre immunity to insomnia. More of a superpower, really: Super Snoozer at your service. I make your problems disappear by teaching you to sleep through them!

Healthy enough to donate blood, but never yet needed any (knock on wood).**

David Brooks, the only newsman I would trust to tell me how to vote. I would also trust him with my infant and the keys to my yacht, if I had either an infant or a yacht.

Triumph, for brilliantly taking on my primary pet peeve, pun intended.

The last person I met at the Halloween party, who was also the first person who understood my costume. Thanks, dude. ***

Googling my friends and finding stuff like this. Yes, I've probably Googled you, too.

Lovely night, and mystic fields with stars bedight.****

* Goatees are the mullets of facial hair, my friends. I'm not saying that a goatee makes you a bad person, but I am saying that you must shave it off for the good of humanity.

** Bloodbanks get desperate during the holidays -- needs go up and donations go way down. Particularly platelet donations, which are only good for five days. So think about it, if you're less than busy this weekend...

*** "Well of COURSE I know what a Jabberwock is! Slithy toves and mome raths and all that. Do you take me for a complete Philistine?"

**** My favorite line from a Thanksgiving song I learned years ago.


Amy said...

This is an absolutely wonderful list. Particularly loved the thoughtful and entertaining gay marriage editorial by your friend and, or course, the Conan piece.

As I explained to Steve that I thought we must be pretty special to make it onto your list, Steve reminded me that I was only a parenthetical afterthought... what a husband, eh?

We are thankful for you, Marie!

Marie said...

Dearest Amy -- The only reason you're in parentheses is because I was trying to minimize distraction from repetition of the cutesy genetic theme. Basically I sacrificed you for a language gimmick. I am sorry.

Next year Steve's going in the parentheses, if he makes the list at all.

Oh, and for the record, I just deleted the links to the last two Triumph videos. I should have rewatched them before I linked to them -- just as funny as I remembered, but about ten times naughtier. Too naughty to reside in the same post that links to a temple website :)

Marie said...
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Sharon said...

And I am thanknessful for Marie!

sophie said...

I am so touched! Also, so out of contact with the real world! And so thankful for my Marie! And going to be in a part of the world near you fairly soon! What are you doing around about the New Year?

Have you seen my most recent piece of snark-baiting, which has resulted in actual threats of physical harm by complete strangers?

Marie said...

Sharon -- I'm thanknessful for you, too.

Sophie -- Wow! You got like twelve times more comments than anyone else before they locked the thing down! You have a future in blogging, m'dear. If they don't ask you to join theirs, you need to start your own: the new Carolyn Hax, only edgy. (And I like your pseudonym.) As for visiting -- yes -- come! I will be here for the New Year. My cuz was trying to convince me to come to NYC for New Years, but I'm too smart. And cheap. And un-fond of large crowds.