Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Dear "friends"

...who have or are planning to abandon me for life on one or other coast. One day soon the ocean levels will rise, and vast hordes of bedraggled urbanites will flee inland, to the mountains. You will be one of them. Please do not pester me with your pleas for shelter -- for you abandoned me.

Love,
Marie

8 comments:

April said...

Tough love. Sometimes it's necessary.

wynne said...

Against my will, I swear! Not that we're anywhere near a coast nowadays...oh well.

Hey, It's Ansley said...

I just knew you loved Oregon and might want a reason to visit. See, really, I left UT for you! Come visit!

Amy said...

I thought this was directed at us, until I saw all your other defensive friends posting comments...you have guilted many people well!

sharonsfriendjen said...

I will not abandon you. I am a MUCH better friend than that. :) And I truely believe you would let me drown for abandoning you.

Ninny Beth said...

hahaha! this is very funny. But someday, Asia will rule the world and then we'll see who is begging for a little something something.
xo

Marie said...

April -- I'm glad you understand, fellow inlander.

Wynne -- Whatever. You broke my heart. Husband schmusband.

Ansley -- I'm inclined to forgive you....

Amy -- You guys better watch out -- I'm dangerous when scorned. Buy the house and LIVE IN IT. I'm begging you.

Jen -- Maybe THAT'S the reason they keep leaving me -- not because they love the coast but because they fear my wrath? Oh dear. I'm a worse friend than I thought!

Ninny -- I'm sure you're right -- after the great US Inward Migration we'll run out of water and bathroom facilities and have to be airlifed to Asia to beg for mercy from the new Superpowers. Maybe I should be houseshopping in New Delhi instead of SLC?

Sharon said...

Umm, head hung in shame, can I still eat at Mazza with you when the floods come? I promise to live in the movie theater bathrooms at the gateway.