'Cause you're all winners!
Except that there IS an actual winner......
But before I get to that technicality, I must say that you guys really outdid yourselves this year. Click here to read all the entries, and you'll see what I mean. (And be sure tell me in a comment which number limerick you wrote so I can put your name next to it. Any unclaimed limericks will be presumed abandoned. I will then attach my own name to them and enter them in the Deseret News Limerick Contest next year.)
The themes were all highly clever, many of the rhymes were ambitious and goofy, and I wouldn't be surprised if some ol' Irish dude Googling "silly limerick" plagiarizes your work to impress the lads, Friday night down at the pub.
Rhymes that make me woozy with glee:
librarian/au pair, Ian/veterinarian
Other bits that almost got me fired for giggling at work:She said “if I married”/I’d eat garlic all day and be lazy
(Oh, Maisie -- we are so alike, except my breath is like no daisy God ever made.)
She offered a prize/For the best pack of lies/Bound up in the form that you see!
(I never encourage lying! Ever! Unless it's funny!)
There once was a man named Gerard....
(Way to play to my weakness! I love it! Can I commission you to write a Love Limerick for Gerard? Will you be my Silly Cyrano?)
When making some "Irish Stew"....
("Making Irish stew" is my new favorite euphemism for sex* -- I hope you don't mind, WhoeverYouAre.)
she chased him quite gladly/and captured him, sadly/and now he's a husband - and mad!
(Ha! I like this ending better -- sadder, but funnier :)
She ran off with the manny/And his fantastic fanny
("Don't laugh," I told myself. "That's naughty!" But I did laugh. Oh, I laughed.)
Mayhap I'll be born at gloam
(Do I really know a fetus capable of writing this line? Who are you, little embryonic prodigy? The reincarnation of Tennyson?)
In fact, I laughed so hard reading every one of your limericks that I've decided to send all participants my super-special Irish Mix CD. Not a bad consolation prize, especially since most of the songs bear Sharon's Impeccable Taste in Music Seal o' Approval. (Except for the very last track -- gotta throw in at least one tacky song since she's not here to stop me.) So if you want the mix CD, be sure to claim your limerick and then send me your address using the "Email Me" feature in the side bar ---->
As for the winner of the moolah and the Pogues CD, it was hard, but after much prayerful supplication to the Humor Gods, it was revealed to me that that Greatest of Goofballs, that Viceroy of Verse, that Lord-High Limerick-Smith is the author of......
There was a cute single girl (Maisie)
Who kept her breath fresh as a daisy
It made her quite harried
She said “if I married”
I’d eat garlic all day and be lazy
So congratulations Anonymous #2 [it's Lena!] -- the rhythm was perfect, the rhymes were great, and the humor was apropos of everything. (At least in my world :)
And if anyone feels I chose wrongly, feel free to vent your spleen in the comments. Better yet, register your complaints in the form of a limerick.
Because limericks make everything better!
Thanks so much for humoring me, you guys -- I love ya.
* For the record, when I was trying to imagine the genesis of the term "wedding vegetables" I decided that maybe someone thought tossing a salad was sensual ("you see, Bobby -- when a carrot loves an avocado very much, they come together and..."), but it's all so clear, now -- the slow sexy simmer of vegetable stew....