Saturday, October 03, 2009

I prithee.

Do I have a rich reader out there? A rich reader who wants to do a very good deed? Please buy several hundred cases of Richard Paul Evans's new Christmas treacle-lit.

I don't recommend you actually read it.*

Perhaps if we can come together as a church and make his day job sufficiently lucrative, he'll stop hocking laser eye surgery and nutritional gimmicks between General Conference sessions. Really kills my spiritual high.

* Terrific campfire kindling, if it's anything like his prior offerings.


lenalou said...

Ha! I was so confused by the first few sentences. Thought I must be on the wrong blog, or that you'd been hacked. But now I see.

And funnily enough, I just blogged too. Conference really is inspiring in many ways, I guess.

Anonymous said...

If only that would stop him... I didn't think to use it for kindling. That is best idea I've heard for it yet.

Carvel said...

Your blog hates me, & that's why when I make the slightest technical error, such as forgetting to do the word verification,or don't write an identity it approves of, it erases my carefully written text!
Since I newver criticize Mormons, I shouldn't say anything negative about Brother Evans' books/his writings. But your post is most amusing.
However, is burning his books really, really the best use for them? What about shipping them overseas, for example to our enemies: The terrorists, the Communists, the French, or to Vladimir Putin's gang in Russia?

Sharon said...

Isn't there a cap on how many Christmas books you are allowed to publish? I believe it's somewhere in the constitution. The Founding Fathers had remarkable foresight.

Keryn said...

Hee hee hee! Sorry that I am not rich. If I was, though, I would not buy his books. But I would buy up all the commercial time 15 minutes before and after conference sessions.

And then I would just have "Family--It's About Time" ads, and beautiful hymn arrangements playing with gorgeous mountain scenery, and absolutely NO eye surgery, Deseret Book, food storage, or "Ladies Night Out" advertisements anywhere.

Thank you for letting me rant. Love you!

Carvel said...

Whose laser eye surgery does he promote? I'd like to have laser eye surgery, and I wouldn't reject a practitioner just because he was promoted by this particular so-and-so (Is this Richard Paul Evans to whom we're referring?)
And what, precisely, are the nutritional gimmicks he advertised? As you well know, I'm often intrigued by nutritional gimmicks.
Maybe I'll Google him & the word nutrition.
Marie, it's been about 26 days since this post. Has nothing at all greatly amused you in all that time? Or were you too busy harvesting & processing and distributing/sharing vegetables?

Mommas Soapbox said...

I found your blog via PW comment and I'm not sure which book you are talking about but it is getting colder here and I could use some kindling, maybe I can help out and purchase

Thanks for the laugh.

Marie said...

Lena -- Having church alone in your living room is nice in many ways, but it's also weird to not have someone there to triangulate your experience.

Anonymous MEH -- No, I expect it would only encourage him. But he's probably a very nice fellow, and telling him his books aren't very good probably isn't the most Christian of options. Just take a deep breath, and repeat after me -- "Miltons and Shakespeares of our own..."

Dad #1 -- I've had enough such sad moments that I now usually copy my longer comments to the clipboard until after I've clicked "Publish." Your solution is brilliant and non-wasteful. Bro Evans gets to keep making money at his chosen vocation, we don't have to tell him to stop, and the bad guys get vanquished!

Sharon -- You're hilarious. Come back to Utah.

Keryn! So glad you stopped by. That is the best solution so far, for sure, especially since, as my bro pointed out after reading my posting, Evans is far from the worst of the commercials between Conference sessions. The blue ribbon goes to that plastic surgery one aimed directly at all the Mormon mothers tuning in: "You've given your body for those children -- you deserve to look great on that cruise!" Seriously -- not those exact words, but very very close. I loved that pirate-themed "Family -- It's About Time" ad that's been airing lately. I ran it back so my whole family could see it.

Dad #2 -- It's just the difference between someone who takes his art seriously and one who sees it as a launching board for great wealth or visibility or whatever. It's not so much the products he's selling as that you can literally see the calculations going on in his head: "General Conference crowd + overpriced juice from the latest rainforest miracle fruit + Mormon celebrity cred = big bucks!" Thanks for noticing that I've been a lame blogger lately.

Mommas Soapbox -- Thanks for stopping by. The book in question is Richard Paul Evans's latest Christmas book, The Christmas List, advertised on the side of every bus and train here in Salt Lake City. Of course, if you just get your eyes laser-corrected at Hoopes Vision, they'll throw in a free copy! I'm sure it is a very nice little book with a good message that leads with a dead puppy and/or dead child and/or dead baby fur seal.