Saturday, January 24, 2009

Buyer's market, but goin' fast.

To the scores of eligible* bachelors frittering away their youth on temporary love, longing for the day when they might possibly afford my eternal devotion:

Interest Rates are low! All offers considered! Now's the time, boys! Seize the dame!

I'm a-houseshopping at the moment and if you don't stop me, these childbearing hips will soon come with a 30-year mortgage.**

With much appreciation,***


* For my purposes this means 1) non-porn-addicted, 2) gainfully employed, 3) not living with mother. Really Good Excuses will be considered, though only for requirements #2 and #3.

** They already come with a cat, but she's unlikely to last more than seven. She's quite naughty and headed for a tragic and mysterious end.

*** Fifteen percent per year guaranteed, plus offspring.


Amy said...

How did not porn addicted become #1? Haha. The brethren DO bring it up a lot in GC...

We finished Potter tonight.

Leah Z said...

do you know, sharing your blog posts with my friends increases my social capital. Clever by association (best I can do).

Super Nova said...

I think your hips alone would be the main selling point. The fact that you could afford your own abode will just be icing on the cake my fair friend!

Annette G said...

must. not. read. your. blog. at. work. still. laughing. out. loud.

wynne said...

A house? Please let me know how that one goes.

And why is the cat heading toward a tragic and mysterious end? (Would that be the end of a large animal, like, say, an elephant? Because she's very curious about said end, and keeps hanging about, and eventually will be sat upon, thereby being her end?)

(When did you get an elephant?)

Marie said...

Amy -- I think I explained this one to you, off-blog. I'm glad you've been totally initiated into Potterland. Can't be culturally literate these days without the Potter books. :)

Leah -- You do say the nicest things. And the cleverest. Your failure to blog is hiding your clever light under a bushel and it makes me and God unhappy.

Super Nova and Annette -- You say the nicest things, too! So many nice women! DEAR LORD, WHY WON'T YOU MAKE ME A LESBIAN??

Wynne -- You are one of a kind. I love you. The cat shows even less gratitude than the average cat for the expense, trouble, fur, and stink I put up with in order to keep her alive and well. I'm not a violent woman, but one of these days I might lose it and let her outside on my dog-filled street with a kibble necklace. You want excitment, kitty? I'll show you excitement.

Leah Z said...

Marie, here I go catering to your whims, again.

A "moist-panties" free blog.