Monday, February 11, 2008

Through the looking glass.

I was looking at the post-party self portraits I did the other day (hard proof for my mother that I do on occasion curl my hair and wear contacts, earrings, and nylons simultaneously) and it took a long while to figure out why I so much preferred the long shots I took in the mirror to the ones pointed straight at my face.

Conclusion: I've never resigned myself to the fact that I don't look like the image in the mirror -- that I actually look like the mirror image of the mirror image.

But but what sick universe would a poor girl's LEFT eyebrow be higher than her right one? If such asymmetry must exist in this cruel, fallen world, it is clearly far better for the right eyebrow to be the higher one, as I'm sure you can see when you compare the highly hot Mirror Me

to the severely lacking Actual Me:

See what I mean?

Reality is a harsh, harsh mistress.


wynne said...

Mirrors are cruel. Cameras can be worse. But photoshop, now--that can be very kind to a girl. Unless, of course, she paints a moustache and goatee on herself...

And I'm sorry, dear--but no one's going to notice the funky eyebrow but you. (My nostrils are two different sizes and the tip of my nose--not the nose itself--is crooked. No one seems to care.)

i i eee said...

My parents have this weird mirror effect in their bathroom -you can see your "true" image if you look at it. It was so hard for me to accept that that was what I looked like. It was all wrong.

Hence why no one really seems to like photographs of themselves -they're not seeing what they usually see.

I think you look very pretty whether or not you have asymmetrical eyebrows. I have potential googly googly eyes.

sharonsfriendjen said...

Mirrors are evil, I hate to look at them. I like to see my reflection in a picture or a window, the colors etc distract me from seeing the wrinkles around the eyes, the gray hairs and the ever growing chin. I love to be behind a camera, never in front of. YIKES!
However, those pictures of you are lovely. You photograph very well.

Leah said...

You sexy thang! I'm proud to share your DNA.

Kim Fifita said...

How I miss Marie! I finally checked out your blog--it only took me, like, what? Four years? What can I say--I'm a procrastinator. Sometime in the next four years check out mine. Don't have great expectations as it is really quite silly--nothing publishable, like yours or Wynne's! But it does record my comings and goings.

Marie said...

Wynne -- Cameras are definitely worse to me. I'm actually pretty happy with what I see in the mirror, but 19 out of every 20 photos of me make my toes curl. And I don't believe that the tip of your nose is crooked -- it's all a lie so you can be part of the Freak Club. I'm sorry, but your membership application is DENIED. And I'm not really concerned about the eyebrow -- just the overall WRONGNESS of that backward image (which of course is actually my true image). Soooo troubling.

ii eee -- I really need one of those mirrors -- how do they work? Dark magic? Thank you for the compliment -- I assure you that that mirror shot was chosen for its bizarre attractiveness and startling lack of jowls.

Jen -- I agree -- I'd much rather be behind the camera and people never believe me when I tell them I'd rather be the photographer than ask the waiter. In fact, during my six week trip to England I took 2 1/2 photo albums worth of photos and only appear in two shots. By choice, I assure you :)

Leah -- Oh, the feeling is entirely mutual. We sure do share the monster brows. Luckily this shot was taken after the horrifying bumps resulting from the moustache waxing had disappeared. You really need to teach me your waxing technique. I'm inept.

Kim! Is that really you?? I did check out your blog a couple months back (through a comment you left on Wynne's blog) and enjoyed all the shots of your cute little boy in the pumpkin patch, but I wasn't sure if you'd be interested to hear about my dumb life trapped in Neverneverland, so I just lurked for a bit and didn't leave a comment. But now the cat's out of the bag: I'm trapped in Neverneverland. I'll leave comments on your blog as long as you refrain from pointing out how nothing I say makes any sense because I'm single and have no truly demanding responsiblities.

D'Arcy said...

I've always been torchered by my LACK of eyebrows. I hardly have any, and I see people tattooing them on, or using some kind of pencil or something...neither of which I embrace.

I never thought about the fact that I am not seeing what other people I am worried!! Thank goodness I share Morrison's view on physical beauty!!

Carvel said...

1. What is "Morrison's view on physical beauty"?
2. I look just great "actual" or "Mirror-image", at least from my eyebrows down to my chin.
3. If all your readers were guys, there would not be nearly so many comments on this post.
4. Your face is equally attractive, whether as a mirror image, or actual: Only your expression, makeup, etc., makes any difference.
5. Good night.

April said...

I took pics of myself the other night after I'd straightened my hair (which I rarely do, thus the need to prove to others that I've done it), and I had to take like 20 before finding one I actually liked. It's so disheartening.

But you! You're adorable! (Meant in a noncondescending way.)

Marie said...

D'Arcy -- Yes, what is Morrison's view on physical beauty?

Dad -- If all my readers were guys, that would mean that all I was posting on my blog was cyberboobies (of course, I'd have to lift boobies from photos of Tyra Banks and then Photoshop them down to my pasty white skin tone), and all the comments I would get would be along the lines of "whoa, Baby -- what knockers!" I'm happy blogging with the clever girls. And any non-Neanderthal guys who happen along, yourself included.

April -- I would imagine that straightening your corkscrew curls is a major undertaking and that your straight hair is as long as Crystal Gayl's -- post pictures!

April said...

It once was almost as long as Crystal Gayl's! But, alas, I was a little girl and my mother was sick of fighting with me when she'd comb it.

Anonymous said...

Is this the party dress you made?

Marie said...

Thank you, kind Lady -- I was just DYING to have someone ask me that question so that I could cock my head oh-so-modestly and say, "Oh, this little ol' thing? Why yes, I did sew it! Whipped it up in 30 minutes while simultaneoulsy knitting sweaters for orphaned lepers with my toes!"*

*That last joke heavily plagiarized from Sharon, who hides her rapier wit under a (very large) bushel.

Marie said...

To clarify that last comment -- the bushel must be "very large" to even *partially* cover her wit. I did not mean to imply that she displayed zero apparent wit because of the enormous size of the bushel. Plenty of wit is leaking out the sides of the bushel, in spite of its commodious interior.