Thursday, March 08, 2007

Cloudy, with a chance of apocalypse.

One September day about twelve years ago I walked into my high school seminary class and who did I see but....

...the Channel 2 weather man.

Yep -- the broad-grinning stormtrooper from our local CBS-affiliate had sacrificed fame and fortune for this humble vocation so that he could spend more time with his kids. We all went "awww!" He was a hoot -- he'd draw a map of the Middle East on the board and then sweep his arm across it to indicate the Children of Israel descending upon the Land of Canaan like an incoming cold front. We all though he was a really great guy with a smile as blinding as God's justice.

So imagine my horror a few nights ago when I turn on the TV and what do I see but....

..my old seminary teacher on Fox News at Nine, doing the weather. FOX NEWS! Lord, give me strength -- he's gone to the Dark Side! His kids no doubt sit home fatherless, weeping as they watch their dear old dad play puppet to the darkest force of our time.

Revelation 13:1-3 And I stood upon the sand of the sea, and saw a beast rise up out of the sea, having seven heads, and those heads were seven shames, yea, namely Cops, American Idol, Judge Judy, Bones, 'Til Death, Fox News, and that stupid new gameshow with Jeff Foxworthy. And I, John, saw that House M.D. was repeatedly canceled by the anti-Christ and his minions. And I wept, yea, verily, even as our fathers did weep for Arrested Development. And so ended the world.

4 comments:

wynne said...

Oh, Fox! I love to watch their news programs--or, rather, I love to watch the things they dare to write, misspell, and...I guess you could call it punctuate...on their banners and captions. I'd share one of these, but my memory is horrid. I do recall something though...I think it was either Venus or Serena William whining in an interview about how she didn't win a match because she was feeling ill. And honest to heavens, the caption under her while she spoke was

"Venus/Serena Williams: Hypochondriac"

The level of professionalism--! I love that station!

Sharon said...

Obviously, I must re-read Revelations.

Natalie said...

Oh my. I am rolling here. That cracks me up. Yes It is sad that they missed that part in Revelation. If only people would read that book, it would save them so much trouble.

Marie said...

I knew Fox News was thoroughly unprofessional, but I had no idea they were openly snarky! Wow! I can't fathom how anyone can regard that nonsense as anything but pure entertainment, especially when they routinely devote 3 minutes of the news time to a review of the evening's episode of American Idol. And yet it is the preferred news source of millions of Americans. Frightening.

The other day there was a story about a violent family dispute and the caption was "Brotherly Beating." I hope it's just a caption-writer with a poor grasp of the English language and not someone trying to make light of a tragedy. But I wouldn't put it past them. They are evil, and I'm only half kidding.